2 Cultures... Err ! .... 2 Planets !!

Welcome !

I was engrossed in today’s newspapers, thankfully Sunday, most of them carried the below analysis. If you have to marry your love who happens to be not amongst your caste/colour/region/state/country you will have to face a battle or boycott. Yes, real time, simple. Deal with the great "Khandhan" human emotions and the parent’s prestige. Don't panic. This is not going to be a review of 2 states - The book/ the flick. Enough spoken about that, I know, even you are bored. 

But... 

Why do we hate people or cultures out of our belonging? Didn’t we read “India is a land of diversity, tolerance and accommodation” in the 1^st page of our history books? Where did things go wrong then? Right here, in our heads.

When I was in my 6^th class, I had a friend. A good one indeed. My family also liked her, and things were all fine, until her mom asked my caste in a casual conversation. I was struck, I dint knew my caste name; thankfully I know that I am a Hindu as I wore bindi and visited temples. I went home and asked my awesome dad (Who still doesn’t talk of caste, I love you Dad!) regarding the same, he told me the name. Little did I realise the sense of false identity at that moment.

I told her and surprisingly, her attitude changed. She started bringing the caste topic too often. Oh, listen. She was a law graduate who runs a school. Well educated in all terms, not an illiterate as one could have presumed. I was deaf-eared as all that I cared at that age was paintings and long jump. Slowly, that caste bug intoxicated my little friend as well. It dint take long to break our amity.

 

Then, Scene 2. My neighbouring aunt. I befriended the poor maid of theirs and was helping her out in small stuffs. The aunt yelled at me for ‘unholy’fying our caste and economic status as she was an untouchable. I asked what that meant. She said, I should wash my hands ASAP with dettol. Right in front of that girl.

Infact, we face such scenarios once every week, if not less. Oh yes, we are civilized now. We don’t turn away our heads right in the face these days. We are educated. So, we gossip and marry within the caste, culture, status, and the same colour tone as well. It’s not our fault. Let’s go technical. It’s the psychological instinct called Labelling. We tend to attach tags to everyone around us, to buckle up human processing speed of daily chores and relations. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

The beggar - The watch man - The Teacher - The Collector.

What we don’t realise is it builds stereotypes which if aren’t looked keenly, become permanent discriminatory headings. 

The beggar.  The watch man.  The teacher.  The Collector.    See ?

We call him a Bihari, the ruthless. He, a Bengali, the orthodox. She, the Madrasi, yew, Sambar. She, a Chinki. Wow, straight welcome for sexual provocation. The gore/kaala effect is undisputable universally. Thank Fair and lovely and Himami for that. What I don’t understand is that a south Indian is not okay because she is dark. A north eastern girl is not acceptable because she is too white. Eh? Did you get it? For strengethening my argument - "A stigma is defined as a powerfully negative label that changes a person's self-concept and social identity.^[2]." Who said racism is a different thing altogether? I can see it right here. Just in another bottle.

The point of easy mingling of same cultural worlds is acceptable. Parents, relatives list out things like food, religion, customs which define the social life. Who asked to discard all of them? But I cant see how it is justified to draw lines around only a few domains, alienating the rest and terrorising the most.

Elections were fun in my home state. Apart from contributing the highest sums of fund money in the whole nation during police checks, my state, AP, this time did a caste blend. Two rival caste groups, who were sprinkling slush on each other’s faces till 6 months ago, suddenly became a political alliance. No names needed, everyone knows. The leaders are quite happy, taking sefies and sharing dais to give revolutionary speeches. How about the masses?   

I personally know two brothers in my street who have campaigned for these two diff caste (sorry) political groups earlier, have broken their blood relations. Now that these parties came closer, what do you expect them to do ? A Kabhi kushi kabhi gham moment ? Ridiculous.

It’s time we realise that these labels create unbridgeable rift valleys across people and their inclinations. For a change, let’s try defying the caste, region, rich-poor, religion, colour differences and see every one out there. Just like us. 

Well, if you ask me what a stupid article I have written, here goes my prayer.

“ Holy Mother India!  Why do you house so much variety in your bosom when your sons and daughters can’t even stand a similar neighbour?

Hamare Caste ki jai ! Bhagawan hamari Religion par krupa kare.

Aur Doosaron ko Maar de ! ”

P.S. Cross - cultural Salutes to Mothers, btw. Happy mother's day. You are the only one who keeps us sane in this trauma. 

The Great Indian Railway Apathy

It gave me Goosebumps when the headlines told about a 24-year old killed in the bomb blast in the train, which was running late. Near Déjà vu moment, just 4 days ago. I was about to take the Kerala Express to reach Delhi from Vijaywada (Near to Guntur). I have always loved railways, as it showed life as it is. Added, belonging to an average middle class, I felt air travel was beyond what I deserved, except for inevitable emergencies. So, I went through the 1^st stage - the Tatkal booking. Let the play begin !

Stood in the queue for 3 hours only to see my counter officer talking on phone, at 10:00 am - yes, the time when the bookings start like mad in the whole nation. People behind me - shouting, most of them even jumping the line and the rest of us were in suspended animation. We were not to miss his attention through that small glass opening as he would throw the form away, if the smallest detail was unclear (in my case, the full form of New Delhi, NDLS, dint work as per his rules.) After winning the race, I went home with the pride of winning The Bharat Ratna equivalent, only unaware of the perks I got free with it. 

I went to the station promptly the next day; it was announced to be late by 10 hours. The enquiry process is another feat - Half of those machines don’t work, the only saving grace is the Internet I thought. It was my 2^nd wrong step. 

 

Spot the train option in Indiarailgov.in was showing the expected arrival at 4:00 pm, enquiry fellow shouted at me (just less than swearing) for asking futile questions. He promptly leaves for the lunch break 30 minutes before and comes to the office 1 hour late. I had 10 solid hours to explore the station. Vijayawada was expected to be one of those decent stations in my state. Then began the waiting hall debate. I was requesting the lady to let my parents in as I was travelling alone and was not safe for me to wait till 12 in the night. The cold reply to my polite request was to  go take a hotel room outside “Can’t you afford half a thousand bucks when you booked an a/c chair car?” Yes, we the voters don’t get a say till the next election. We waited outside, drinking that watery coffee (note, standards aren’t maintained, in any level). Curiosity made me check that website which was still showing 4:00 pm arrival when the clock ticked 5:30 pm. The LOL moment.

I had been a cooperative citizen till then - I never litter on the platforms/trains and carry a bag for the waste, always bought the parking tickets and platform tickets, never used the lift which was for the elderly. But I lost my cool, when people there, showed that apathy is not just big word, but a way of life. These were chunks of their duty after all. In the meanwhile, there is this constant stick-your-eyes-glued phase, watching that little TV showing various train arrivals. It resembled a world cup match. Uff's of people whose train is still not displayed, and swift joy for those who had a platform number shown. The train finally arrived at 11:45 pm, actual arrival being 10:15 am. 

My worried parents asked the family in my coupe to keep a watch on me. Yes, ladies have the cumulative disadvantage in such scenarios. 2nd Class Sleeper berths aren’t safe in the first place, nobody checks who came in or jumps out. So book the A/c car, whether you can afford it or not, if you have to travel alone. Yes, the very next morning started the typical Indian male flirting. What could I do, except for dissecting that in my head? There is no place I knew where I could complaint/ write a grievance against that in the whole train. TTE (The Travelling Ticket Examiner)comes only if he can make some money in letting an authorised passenger. As it takes almost 25 hours to reach your destination, you tend to get befriended with the Co- travellers, but, yeah, wait. This rule is dangerous for women, fate ! Poker face is the best and then look away. A new tool I found, speaking in English and reading an English newspaper. 90% of the nuisance cut down. Food. Oh yeah. The best I had ever got, only charging twice its worth. Well, better that those movie scenes, which carried cockroaches and papery papads.

My point is simple. Why to torture the passengers who are in concordance with the rules. We never did dharnas for the railway price hikes. We never complain for the stinking shitholes, sorry, the bathrooms in the train. We don’t destroy your berths with marker ink’s “praneeth loves radha”. Is silence considered the new helplessness ? I wonder.

If I had to take a pro-government stand in all my views, I can rant this paragraph “ certain committee recommendations are to be stringently followed, there is need to awaken and empower the civil society, draft new rules as per the changing demands and allow holistic international collaborations”. Common man just doesn’t get all that. Remember, a particular class of people have already discarded railways and shifted to air travels. Safety has already given a blind eye, so far no one spoke of it in the plan documents nor amongst serious academic discussions. Indian railways is the largest employer in the world, yet such service availability is not a good way out. Improve it or please remove “Athithi Devo Bhava” from Incredible India’s tourism promotion. It’s as if we, the passengers are made gods, deprived of a chance to articulate our legitimate say. 

This is not to blame the system per se, we, the people also make significant contributions to make it dysfunctional. Start with spitting on platforms, jump the queues, avoid buying tickets. If this proceeds, Railways The life line of my nation, will not take longer to become the dead end. Of zero hope and null growth. 

P.S I want to quote my friend who says, Govt most often doesn't serve us, it assumes charity tone, assuming we are passive recipients and Citizens assume no resposibilities and want all rights, in the most prompt way. Any debates ?

Open up! The world’s waiting!

Yes, it’s been quite a while since I wrote something for myself. Or rather did something to ‘self’. To admit, life has been clogged down to postulates of career and expectations of great standards. It’s good, as you realise and sharpen your substance that way. It’s bad, as you tend to disengage with the sensitive side of your present, going nowhere in ecstatic bliss which was in your soul always. In the past.

Now, what I have done is what I thought I would share with you. Hope that helps. At least to someone out there who think life has become monotonous. Or to incite a debate on this. Trust me; I love both magic’s and logics J

• Point 0: Break the rules. Just do it. People defy them because they don’t fit to one's intellectual grounding or happy zoning. That’s no offence. Go create a ‘your’ music band in a coffee shop or sell newspaper along with your paper boy some Sunday. (# In no sense I meant to break the traffic rules or the criminal law here)

• Point 1: Spend time with family. You know you have been great on this planet so far. (It doesn’t matter even if you don’t think so, because you have - Just that you are due realisation), Spread your socialising and re-bonding with family as well. Because at one point of time, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram will all lose their charm. Family hugs would not. Ever.

• Point 2: Try out smiles on absolute strangers. Help them out. Ah! Here comes the pessimist Human inside. What if the society harms me even if my intentions are noble? Well, Okay. Be good, nothing defenceless in that. As I dint negate you not to be careful as well. I started teaching my mess delivery boy how to speak decent English. 5 minutes a day. Is that huge? Yes, to that boy.

•  Point 3: Love the animals around. I was this woman, who would hate the mere sight of dogs/cats. And, ironically I started feeding this stray dog with Parle-G biscuits thinking 3 rupees per day is not much a deal. Trust me, after the 4^th day, you WILL get connected. Now, I wait for the tail-wagging part when it sees me return home.

• Point 4: Read books as well as people. Bookish knowledge will give the base; social outlook will build your superstructure of attitude and empathy. Nothing beats a person who understands everyone. Respect starts there. Self and external. If you come across a person who hurts you, congratulate yourself. You just hiked a mountain. Of self-assimilation.

• Point 5: Travel. Without a camera. Yes, that means no thoughts on Picasa, DSLR and a profile pic change. Life is so simple that way. Think. Ponder. Dwell in them while you travel through those dusky roads or these concrete metros. You will realise you no longer have to make a lot of time with your heart. You already have it.

• Point 6: Awaken the artist in you. Paint. Music. Philosophy. Strategies. Dance. Just begin. You don’t have to win an Oscar. So no pressure. You will know how your thoughts flow. The best part is, you can change your flow charts through modulations :)

I can list 100 such. Even you can. Infact anyone can. But that’s not the point.

We have to start implementing them. With true spirit and accountability. To ourselves. 

Don’t write daily/weekly/monthly plans. They don’t work. Even if they do, you are just translating yourself, not to strengthen your conviction. Training yourself to be self-tuned robot. Don’t do that. We are animate. Let that inherent quality be with our tiny fingers till the end. To draw our big Painting. Of life.

Yes, we are yet to showcase it. Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost !!

P.S I am all okay. Just that I pasted a diary extract to my blog. Godspeed !  

" Rape is sensational than Empowerment "

Rape > Woman Empowerment

Half of you would have already closed the tab assuming another such article. A few among the rest are eager to counter argument to what I will be writing and hence are forcefully reading. Sorry, my target is not you. Infact my target is no one. It’s the paradox we live in. The multi-fold deviance we exhibit.

We have become so passive and immune to this word “Woman Empowerment” that we have stopped responding to it. Being the largest minority in our country, contemporary woman is striving her best to prove herself, breaking barriers at home and hence the high society. Ambitious? Arrogant? Non-Conformist? Yes, so is she paying fruits for it.

It was non-acceptance of equal credit in the inception. That became obsolete as women have proven to be better than many men in their fields. Then emerged the ubiquitous weapon. Call it abuse, harassment or Molestation. The act might change, not the idea behind it. It’s not a physical aberration my friends, but demeaning her respect and poisoning her growth.

Like any other typical Indian woman, even I have been patiently reading news articles, following debates about provocation, participated in candle marches, sporting a black dot as profile picture. Been there, empathised that and the time has also tested enough. An MP who tortures a maid, a senior judge harassing an intern and now, a journalist subordinate in the clutches of THE editor-in-chief. The way society responds is even funnier. Khap’s taking away mobile phones, advice that rapists are to be called as brothers, proposal of removing women in risky jobs totality to avoid misbehaviour. Mind you, there is always this middle class family which compels to be silent and get away with it. The problem is not the people, per se. But the value system we abide. Sui generis? Unfortunately no longer.

Enough of those provocation talks okay. How does a 5-year old tempt you? We all clap when our sister wins a competition. We buy gifts to our wives if she gets a pay hike. But all the rest of the women are welcome to objectification. Offer: Age no constrain. They don’t have a heart; they titillate your sensual reflexes. The way pornography, Oh dear, I don’t have to go that far; our Bollywood movies themselves will vindicate how a woman is treated.

All I want to ask is to define masculinity. What is it like to be a Man? Mard, voh hai kya cheez ? As we have enough norms how to define an ideal woman, so let’s understand what the dialectical other pole. Is he the strength personified or to be tolerant and amiable to respect her uprising.  There are enough laws, implement them with true spirit. Create space for her, or at least don’t encroach into her privacy unless she asks for it. She is mature, don’t pamper her. Let that Cinderella mould of external dependency and support break. Nurturing woman like a plant is what this whole talk is about. Invest a little hope and faith and see! She gives you fruits tastier than ever.

This doesn’t end here, but also to treat the survivors with dignity. Media and civil society should probably maintain her self esteem by maintaining the anonymity. Stop attaching social stigma to her for she is not the offender. The job is not just her livelihood. It’s her heart's answer to all those blows society pokes on her chest.

Let her race thrive, uncurtailed. She deserves at least that, being our half.

Having said that, I want to rephrase, my contribution won’t end here writing a piece of agony. I hereby promise that I will strive to take a solid action.               

For that, time will only answer. But, One line.

"To be charitable is a virtue, To be empowered is a human right "

P.S  With a few excerpts from my delegate talk a month ago, in a National Youth Convention. Irony is that was in harmony with Tehelka’s Managing Editor Miss Shoma Choudary’s speech!

Really ?